By Sam Yau
I can’t remember how many times my heart was pierced
as you shared your inner torments all those lonely years.
Avoiding triggers from past traumas, you cage
and lock yourself in a curtain-drawn room in despair.
The wounded child in you turns into a monster in rage.
Intrusions of painful flashbacks are looping on a tear.
There’re days of warm sunrays breaking through black clouds.
Oh, your soul in the dark night, maybe you can make it through.
Able to feel and receive love, your hope starts to sprout.
As better days turn sparse, you fall back into your groove.
A few times, you emerge from sinking to gasp for air.
Tired of fights between your inner Jekyll and Hyde,
to finish Hyde, you also end the endless pain you fear.
With no human body, you know the real you are neither.
My computer chimes all night—messages with no words.
An uninvited melody plays itself—a siren song of death.
The call from your disconnected number—greeted by silence.
I can’t miss your presence, you give me so many signs.
Salient clouds dance in the sky: you’re well in your soul.
You crack my heart wide open to feel the deep suffering of the world.
I tumble down the tunnel of grief to find some
peace on the other side.
You inspire me to live in my soul and sense the beauty of your realm.
Walk with me, till the day I reach the distant clouds where you reside.
Photo by Sam Yau